I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
