she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
