Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
