What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've blown a few things in my day
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
