apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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