dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
