I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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