Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We had sex on a dog bed..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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