he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?