he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
