I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
