my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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