Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
