Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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