Me too!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
