do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
