White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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