dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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