Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
