I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
