He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand