I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
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