Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
