Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
