party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
