My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
