I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
