I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
