pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
