Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
