Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
