I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
