Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
