You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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