dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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