The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
