She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
