This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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