There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
