Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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