Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
