I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
