Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
