Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
