Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
