"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
