have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
