This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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