I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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