Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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