Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
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I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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