TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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