i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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