In the future we'll all be gay
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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