Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
