and you said cock pushups were impossible
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
