can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
