I must be too annoying 4 u.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
