There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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